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Thanks to www.wayoftherodent.com
By Mayhem
The
story of the Commodore 64 begins with MOS Technology, producers of the
6502 CPU, and taken over by Commodore in 1976. After the release of the
VIC-20 in early 1981, MOS had no idea what to do next. The decision was
made to create chips for "the world's next great video game", and these
became the VIC-II (graphics) and SID (sound) chips.
However
Jack Tramiel, founder of Commodore Business Machines and a survivor of
the Nazi WWII concentration camps, decided not to go with the video
game idea and instead wanted to use them in the next home computer - a
computer to be introduced at the Las Vegas CES in January. A computer
that, at the time, had no design. Stuff like that didn’t seem
important
in the days of the 8-bit pioneers – promise was what counted.
The
machine was then designed around a 6510 CPU running at a breakneck 1Mhz
and made general release around August 1982 at $595. Atari couldn't
figure out how Commodore was selling it at that low price. They would
have been gob smacked if they knew Commodore were operating a 400%
mark-up. That was part of Tramiel's style: if two parts could do the
job competently, the lower cost unit would always get the nod. Plug a
joystick into port 1 and wiggle it about; you should see some
characters on screen. Why? In order to streamline part of the input
interface, tracks of the joystick reading combine those of the
keyboard. That’s Tramiel cost-consciousness right there.
The
C64 design team broke-up just as the machine itself was earning big
bucks for Commodore: by early 1983, Albert Charpentier who authorised
the project, Robert Yannes who designed the SID, and Charles Winterble
who headed worldwide engineering had all left. Tramiel himself left the
following year and later, incredibly, bought CBM’s arch rival
Atari.
By
the time 1987 came to an end, Commodore had built and sold an
astonishing 10 million C64 units - an event marked by the production of
a limited number of gold coloured machines.
In
late 1990, buoyed by the runaway success of the C64 Commodore had the
bright idea to try to muscle in on Nintendo and Sega within the games
console market. So they took the basic C64 motherboard, moved the
cartridge port, removed the keyboard, put it in a lozenge shaped case
and called it the C64GS (or Games System). New cartridge based games
were made and the unit was launched at £100. It flopped. The
games were
too expensive for those used to paying tape prices (and could not be
pirated easily) and the machine had a tendency to break down.
By
1992 production of all forms of the C64 ceased completely. By 1994
Commodore had gone into liquidation and was bought by Escom. In the
end, no one really knows for sure how many C64 units were sold.
Conservative estimates put it at around 16 million, but it could be
anywhere up to 30 million overall, making it the most successful home
computer ever built. That Commodore as a home computer company only
really existed for little more than fifteen years but is still so loved
and remembered is remarkable.
So the C64
then. Breadbinny and a bit loose at the seams. But we loved it, and
here, care of the Rodentia team are 64
things you never knew about our old friend:
1. I heard
that the original colour was supposed to be red, but Peter
Ebdon who later went on to become World Snooker Champion 2002, was in
charge of the manufacturing process and he can't distinguish red from
brown.
2. There's a
rumour that
the bread bin moniker is actually a slightly confused urban myth. Carla
Lane wrote her highly rated sitcom about Liverpudlians on the dole on
her Commodore C64 and lovingly referred to it as the Bread Bin.
3. In 1984 an
administrative error lead to Jack Tramiel receiving a
Grammy on stage for the Commodores number 3 hit "Nightshift".
4.
The c64 actually had 64mb of memory, not 64k. However, only 64k was
available to the programmer, the rest of the memory was dedicated to
storing every shade of brown.
5.
'The C64 was of course the first 64Bit home computer. The reason the
software didn't appear to be that much of an improvement over the
lesser 8Bit machines was purely down to the rather lacklustre
performance of the SID Chip'
6.
"The SID chip was actually designed by a retired harpy. It is rumoured
to enlighten the listener to their true sexuality whenever its can be
heard.
This phenomenon would explain why there are many haters of
the beautiful SID based music; perhaps they are not happy with what it
tells them?
We managed to track down a SID hater for his comments whilst sanxion
loader is playing in the background: "get it away from me!!!!
ARGHHHHHHHH!" *runs to leather shorts shop*
7. "The c64
was originally going to called the "commodore > Spectrum
5u><0rs!!!1ONEELEVENTY" but despite hiring a crack team of
designers (many of whom responsible for the reward winning design for
the hole that the ET cartridges were dumped) they couldn’t come
up with
a badge logo that was effective enough.
That and the fact that
no-one had a clue what it meant, apart from a young man who made the
tea, a young man called "Sandy Mcl33t"."
8. 'The C64
was originally designed by Nestlé as a replacement for the
Toblerone, but was rejected because it wasn't Swiss enough'.
9. Each
Commodore 64 only had 64 random working keys out of the box.
Completists would meet in secret at secluded car parks to swap their 2
non-working keys in an attempt to create the Holy Grail: the Commodore
66. Incidentally, dogging grew out of that particular scene.
10. 'The C64
was in fact developed well before the VIC-20 but at Commodore didn't
think people were ready for it.'
11. At its
height in the 1980s, the games magazine industry in Britain
was worth a massive £64 billion. Zzap! alone took in £8
billion for its
legendary 'Christmas 1985' issue.
12.
Incidentally, the C64 is incapable of making the Zzap! sound effect.
13. I think
you'll find that they paid off Tangerine (makers of the
Oric) for exclusive use the word in the UK given the Oric was only
every popular in France, where of course Zzap means chien-turd.
14. A C64
placed on a radiator will melt to base plastics and metal swarf within
seventeen weeks.
15. The C64
was so-named because it was 64 times more powerful than the
Spectrum, created by multi-millionaire egg-head, Sir Clive Sinclair.
16. The C64
had many celebrity owners, including a young Donald Trump,
who used it as one of the foundation stones for his magical ' Trump
Tower'.
17. When
Johnny Ball thinks of a number, he never thinks of the number 64.
18. All
'true' Commodore 64 owners owned 64 shoes - or 32 pairs - the same
number as their hero, Jack Tramiel.
19. The
arcade game, Q-bert, is named after one of Jack Tramiel's sons: Kevin
Tramiel.
20. 'The C64
was supposed to be a business computer, but people in
suits at most companies decided the box simply wasn't big enough to
hold all the financial records in it. Of course we all know how well
used the Xbox has been for just this purpose.'
21. In the
East End of London a Commodore 64 is known as an "Albus Dumbledore".
22. The
Commodore 64 is virtually unknown in South West London. As is the
colour grey.
23. In 1986
Roy Castle had to abort an attempt at tap dancing the theme
tune to Ghost n Goblins live on British TV wearing a pair of Commodore
64s on his feet. He was quoted afterwards as saying, "I didn't really
feel up to it today. Maybe tomorrow."
24. The word
'commodore' means "a commissioned naval officer who wanks above a
captain and below a rear admiral".
25. There
are, in fact, sixty-four ways to leave a lover. It doesn't scan as well
as fifty though.
26. Its a
little known fact that the Commodore Plus/4 was named in
honour of a pair of plus-fours owned by Jack Tramiel's wife, Gertrude -
a keen golfer. However, the original design, which included Campbell
tartan livery and a joystick shaped like a nine-iron, had to be
abandoned due to copyright issues. Tramiel learned from the experience
and made all subsequent computers, including the C64, as bland as
possible.
27. Evil
Knievel's
initial plan to leap the Grand Canyon included an idea to use a
commodore 64 as the ramp. That's definitely true that one.
28. The C64's
cartridge port was designed by Givenchy.
29. If you
pour a pint of Guinness into a Commodore 1541 disk drive, it improves
loading times by 15%.
30. Sid
Little helped with the preliminary design of the SID chip.
31.
Imagine's hastily constructed expansion pack for the Spectrum version
of Bandersnatch is actually the innards of a Commodore 64.
32. In 1987
Tiny Timothy Nugget became so obsessed with Little Computer
People that he actually lived inside his Commodore 64 for a week. Under
oath, his mum said that he was "such a lonely boy. He thought he'd made
a new friend."
33. Gay
magazine,
Attitude, is still to this day entirely produced using Commodore 64's.
The editor actually has a modified C64 on his desk that has been
re-badged as a Commodormardi Gras.
34. Famous C64
owners include Anthony Perkins of R2D2 fame, Samuel L
Fishburne out of films, TV presenter Anton Dec, and woman-destroyer
Fred West.
35. 'All
chess fan
will remember the day that reigning world champion Gay Kasparov was
famously beaten by a C64 with one hand tied behind its back. Kasparov
claimed foul when he realised that the C64 was using a floppy drive for
storage of tactics when the rules clearly stated that only cassette
based media was allowed'
36. As
was common at the time, the Russians designed their own
‘tribute’ to
the Commodore C64. The two machines were identical in every respect
with the single exception that the ‘N’s were all
back-to-front (on the
Russian model).
37. The
subtle
radiations from a Commodore 64 have been clinically proven to increase
penis length, girth and even heft due to muscular density by up to 40%
in men. Women have yet to show conclusive results, as it is impossible
to get them from the bedroom to the lab.
38. Andrew
Braybrook decided upon the title of his C64 opus, Uridium,
after mis-hearing a Graftgold colleague shout instructions to their
security guard when a drunken and drugged up Matthew Smith attempted to
storm their office in 1986.
39.
Martin Amis wrote the first draft of the 1530 Datasette Unit Operating
Instructions, but omitted the word 'screw', so was sacked.
40. The SID
chip was originally called the Sidney Chip.
41. The SID
Chip is so monikered as its first design was drawn on the
back of a potato chip – had the design process taken place in the
UK it
would have been called the SID Crisp. Or the SID Wotsit.
42. Ben
Daglish is Kenny Dalglish's son.
43. Many
people are aware that Paradroid is a neologism formed by
combining the words 'paranoid' and 'droid' - but few outside the
industry know that Head Over Heels' working title was 'Arse Over Tit'.
44. Renowned
Commodore musician Rob Hubbard founded the Scientology
movement. He gave all that up and turned to computers on the exact day
Tom Cruise became a Scientologist.
45. Hubbard's
chief rival, Martin Galway, was known for his flute
playing and dancing eyes, which earned him the name of "The Sparkling
Flatulence".
46. Its a
little
known fact that the "dead pixel problem" was actually an issue as far
back as the release of the Commodore 64. Many early adopters attempted
to send their televisions back and Commodore were rushed into a press
release explaining that whilst the pixels were very grey, they weren't
quite dead.
47. The
haunting
spectacle that is River Dance is only possible thanks to a grant
obtained from the Commodore Foundation for the Furtherance of
Crazy-Legs Dance.
48. Lionel
Richie, of course, invented the Commodore 64. But how did it get its
name? Well, he wanted his bandmates to concentrate on their vocals, and
so invented the now-legendary SID chip to use in his new computer as an
all-purpose backing band. Because of the complex filters in the SID
chip, it took him many attempts to get it just right, and the final
approved version was his sixty-fourth version, hence "Commodore 64".
49. Three
Times a Lady was the result of a stack overflow.
50. Tron, the
1982 science fiction masterpiece starring Jack and
Gertrude Tramiel, was entirely created on a souped-up Commodore 64.
51.
Incidentally, slightly off topic I know, the makers of Wargames
initially intended for the WOPR to be a Sinclair Spectrum. However,
preview audiences where turned off by the machine asking if Matthew
Broderick would like to play a game of Pud Pud.
52. Commodore
64 games were often said to have "blocky" graphics. The
little-known reason for this is that Jack Tramiel insisted that all
games were first designed with Lego. Translating these to computer was
so time-consuming that programmers didn't have time to round off the
edges.
53.
Impossible Mission features an exact replica of Epyx' headquarters.
Programmer turnover was enormous.
54. After
emigrating to America, Jack Tramiel enlisted and served four
years in the U.S. Army. At Fort Dix Jack showed a talent for un-jamming
typewriters.
55. Egghead
sonic
pioneer Brian Eno abandoned lost ambient project "Music For Adolescent
Bedrooms", composed entirely of SID warbles and 1541 grinding sounds,
when David Byrne gave his MiniMoog back.
56. Murdering
children and hearing the voices of dead relatives is mad.
Playing the Ocean loader tune while wearing a hat: less so.
57. Rod Hull
is buried in a Commodore 64-themed coffin.
58. A
Commodore C64 with a picture of Shigeru Miyamoto taped on it, was
the only childhood friend of current Xbox head Arthur Mullard.
59.
Activision's Little Computer Person was real, and came bundled
inside every piece of C64 hardware, and not just the computer itself.
The machine-gunning noise that came from a 1541 disk drive was actually
a Little Computer Person hammering fuck out of it, trying to get it to
work faster.
60. One of
the first
ever Commodore 64 games was Jack Attack. But did you know it was
actually named after Jack The Ripper? And today they say Grand Theft
Auto is bad?
61. It is
possible
to fry an egg on C64 transformers – however, this practice was
banned
in 1987 after some kid got yolk onto the Dutch National Grid.
62. During the
Gulf War, late-model C64GS units were used by the Iraqi
army to provide targeting data for the launching of SCUDS in the
Western Iraq desert.
63. Commodore
is an anagram of paedophile.
64. 64 is the
exact number of years that the C64 will be remembered
for. In August 2056 a device will flower for but the briefest second
wiping clear the Commodore memories of every human being. The Amiga
will still be known and loved but nobody will be able to actually
remember who made it.
June
2005 www.wayoftherodent.com
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